Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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