But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
