TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
