Pregnant stripper...not hot.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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