So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
