check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
