I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
