I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
