oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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