She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
