guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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