Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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