Pants 0. Shit 1.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
