i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
