I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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