I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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