Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
