splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
