She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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