It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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