maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
