I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
