It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
