I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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