i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you win again, gameday.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
