mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
