my mouth tastes like poor choices
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
