New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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