im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
