U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
