dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
