I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
