is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
