at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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