I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
