Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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