is your mom at the bar?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
