I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just had sex on a roof
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
