You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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