Jerry, you need to find god
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
