Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
