my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
