apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
