New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
