There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
