She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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