Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
