I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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