Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
