i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
