You're so nebulous sometimes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
