I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
