I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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