Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
